The publishing of our children's report on FB???
In these days I have been able to run over posts published by various moms, who proudly put the grades' reports of their children...
Nothing bad at first, right? Well... please read the lines that follow, because I think we should analyze in a little more critical way what we see, everything we see!!!
I try to put myself in a child's shoes of any age, from third, fourth, fifth grade, it doesn't matter... I've been under pressure throughout the entire school year, from teachers and parents, in order to reach good grades... study more, improve in this or the other subject, and quite certainly (if I'm like almost any other child) I felt repeatedly phrases like "you could do better but you don't commit enough", or "you have great potential but you don't apply enough", or again "You're good, but you could reach better...", etc, etc...
Now the school year ends, in some cases I had to face even greater pressure in the last few months in the school, as if it wasn't enough. Pre-exams stress, bombed with preparation-tests , and so on...
Here comes the end of the year, finally the suffering is over, although will last only a few weeks. I have made my exams, I got my grades and brought home my results. But, excuse me for a moment, whose grades are they??? For mom? For dad? So that they can show everyone how good they children "scored" (in case their expectations were met...)?
Because I wonder: are we sure my son or daughter really agrees that I post their votes? If I asked my child, would he/she really agree that I publish all their results on my facebook timeline?
And for what reason, do I do that? Will it make my child son happy??? well... I don't think so!
Does it make me happy? Does it pump up my ego? Is it supporting my pride?
And after all, why should I be pumped up from the publishing of my child's grades? Are his results giving me satisfaction because I see and share his happiness? Or are they somehow "making me happy" (?!), although my child does not really care about them...?
I think we should all think a little deeper about this point, because it seems to me we're loosing more and more the goal of education!
I think my mission as a parent is to support my child in the pursuit of happiness, identifying the activities that can make him/her feel realized and fulfilled in life! Not in installing in my child the feeling of need to satisfy my personal happiness!
Phrases like: "you make me happy"... "I'm so proud of you"... etc, make our children feel responsible for our happiness, our feelings and our states of mind!!! And this is very dangerous, because it teaches them that someone else has the power to make us feel in a certain way, which is completely untrue! We are the only one able to feel the way we want to feel!
We are installing in the head of our children, the conviction that they are worth more or less for us, according to how much they manage to make us more or less happy through the results they reach, rather than who they are!
Is it correct to love my child more, in case he/she brings me an exceptional report, so much so that I need to publish it online?
And why should I feel "embarrassed" as a parent, if my child doesn't get high grades, or if he/she fails a school-year?
Why don't I see the publishing of "bad-grades" on Facebook... and frankly, although I deeply hope that those children are loved from their parents as much as the "good-achiving"-ones, I feel that reality of the facts is quite different!
I'm not stating here, that our parents' task does not include the teaching of commitment, discipline and study, if and when necessary, but seeing many parents exalted by the publication of positive report cards, makes me very doubtful.
It's deliberately a "provocative" theme, and that's why it will probably get some more answers then usual ;)
Well, if you feel touched, I invite you to write something below. Comment, share your thought ;)
of course in a constructive, diplomatic and respectful way!
Have a nice day, Patrik
A couple of links with interesting readings on the theme... Enjoy: