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Communication, what a difficult thing!

posts May 06, 2019

I've been lately frequently talking with my wife, about the "weird" behavior that children seem to have nowadays towards parents, towards chores, towards belonging to the family... to sum it up, the behavior they seem to have towards everything in general, which looks sooo different from the kind of behavior we used to have "back at our time"...
And I had one more example yesterday, while sharing these thoughts with a very good friend of mine, and these same "problems" arose with him too.
It looks like kids, especially adolescents, lack of some values, some understanding, the right education around certain things... it looks like they don't have the pleasure to give anymore.
I can recall some examples from my own childhood, and I'll share them here.
I remember when I was small, sparing all the money I could, in order to buy a present to my mum or my daddy. I could not wait for the moment when I would finally hand it over, to see the face she or he would make while opening the surprise.
I very distinctively remember when I was 14 and did work for the first time in my life with a real job-contract for an entire month in a supermarket called "Jumbo", in my hometown Lugano.
I remember gaining approx. 800 Swiss francs, which was a lot of money for me at my age!
I do remember equally well, that the first thing I did after receiving the salary, was buying a watch for my sister and a couple of other small presents for my parents. And the same did my sister with her first real salary... we simply had this pleasure to please and give infused into our beings!

I'm not saying that our children don't have this anymore, but it looks to me, like something is interfering between this natural and deep way of being and behaving, and the way they actually move themselves in the world today.

We did a lot of thinking, analysing and ultimately sharing with loads of people around us. Friends, acquaintances, relatives, it looks like we all share the same thoughts and concerns about our youngest!

Why is that, how is it that our children act like they're entitled to everything we do, everything they have and everything they receive???

What are we missing, what are we doing so wrong?

And, is it really so, that we are missing something in the way we educate them? Are we really doing something terribly wrong?

We don't think so... I don't think so...! We believe, and pretty much all people who heard me saying this agree, that the negative impact on their behavior and their minds is the huge, intangible, invisible negative energy that surrounds and incorporates everything nowadays!

This negative energy created from the devices, these small yet unbelievably powerful and attractive devices we are sucked into, whatever we do, wherever we go and whenever we do it.

Mobile phones are simply swallowing the heads, mind and brains of everyone around. It's enough to look around you. Try to sit in a park, a bar, a restaurant or just standing in a public place, traveling on a bus or in a train... whatever you do and wherever you are, you'll notice dozens of people around you completely captured from their mobile phones for one reason or another!

I'm not demonizing devices, and I repeated it more than once, but I'm afraid we are loosing control.

How is it that an adolescent is having a crise and behaving like a complete foul our of control, if punished with the ban on using the mobile phone?!?

And I'm not even pro-punishments! Absolutely not. I guess we all agree that the general direction our generation is walking towards as parents, is to communicating and understanding our children in a more compassionate and emphatic way.

But things are getting out of hand!

Are you for a "no limitations" system? For a complete freedom for your children to decide and manage themselves?

I definitely have this intention as the core of my parenting practice, but I'm also very aware about my duties as a father toward my children. My duty of protecting them and making the choices I reputate best for their interests and their future!

So, what's your idea about this subject? What's your opinion or the system/philosophy your currently put into practice?

I'm really curious to read your comments and share thoughts around this controversial and very new reality we have been thrown into.

Have a great day... Patrik.

 

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